Friday, March 31, 2006

10:44 PM

heeeheee happy

hmmm..i wasn't disappointed by ppl who i expected them to..but the guys did lar..ppl like terry..forgotten about my birthday..wth man..4 years friend..and still can forget..lol..but you all really made me happy lar..heehee at least didnt disappoint me..i thought i would be so easily replaced..luckily..haha..things went well today..heehee

crap la.. alot of my best friend just didnt remember..they need my damn reminders..stupid sia..more than 5 years friends liao still can forget..zzz i dont want any present from you all..i just want 2 words lol..it means alot to me leh..shows how much i mean to you..

haha rona came my house today..so long never see her liao..lol my bro also..took half day leave to celebrate with me..lol they planned to give me a suprise de..but my dad ruined it..haha rona said all dads are the same..i agree on this point..haha..they just cant keep secrets..lol..ate around 6-7 pieces of pizza..so full..haha..my bro really dont know how to estimate the amount..arrhhh..after that nearly got tickled by rona..her nails damn sharp sia..lucky i escaped..haha her fingers are so powerful..lol..

To the special someone,

hie..im really happy today..thanks for the present..lol..actually i dont really understand what it means la..haha im so noob..heehee..maybe i know..but not very sure..arhhh anyways i was really happy when you came forward to me larh..heehee..you made me damn happy.. =)

``___contented___;;

Thursday, March 30, 2006

6:37 PM

...really disappointed..saw something i not supposed to see today..and it turned out to be bad..i didnt get caught or whatever lar..but the contains are bad..disappointment..friendship..is it really so easy to develop? is there really no difference between me and him? though i took a few years to get close to you guys..he took only 2 months? how to say..its true that im jealous that he can so easily be welcomed by you all, and i took hell lot of effort..is this really pro vs noob? am i getting 'cleared' in your minds? am i not gonna leave any memory in any of you? am i really gonna lose? hai..that thing was really saddening..if things are still as bad i will say what exactly did i see..and most probably i will..now is just not the time..i just hope that im not so easily replaced by any others? am i really nothing to you all?

hai..i may look happy and cheerful on the surface..but im actually waiting..i want to see the outcome of it..whether i'll be sad or what i dont care..i want to see the difference between the good and bad ppl..but really hope to see some ppl coming to me..some of the ppl who are special to me..my old friends..my ex sch mates..my classmates..and her..

To the special someone,

hie..though im really disappointed with some ppl..but you are actually making me feel better..its really nice..but i seriously hope that you wont disappoint me tomorrow..you are the special person to me..

``___don't disappoint me please___;;

``___DEPRESSION___;;

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

6:36 PM

bad day..

damn it..today is such a bad day..my patience went out! totally broke down even before recess..whats wrong now?! troublesome me..zzZ went dead during english lesson..after that still got amaths remedial..but sitting with nian made me feel better lar..then after that still got geog!! LUCKY mdm chang say canceled..cause only 1/3 of the class turned up..things are really going out of my control..hai..tml still got amaths test!! die la..hope can achieve what i want..abit hard la..yes..cai said no hard work then dont need to dream about it..agreed thoroughly..but i just cant force myself to study..how to say..im not that good as expected..

think i did something wrong today..not really sure..ppl seemed a little pissed with me..just that they dont want to show it in front of me..maybe im just overly sensitive..but if i did anything wrong..sorry..though i know no 1 would understand what i saying lar..but just sorry =) hope things would be better tml..

wah crap..i finally realised..maybe a month ago..that life in secondary school is damn precious..especially life in 4c..totally rocks..someone once told me..its really difficult to not laugh in 4c..even when someone is heartbroken or whatever..something that will happen in class would definately make he or she laugh..i agree..but of all times..i only realised this year..really sian..could have treasured the times we had together in class lor..wth..wasted 3 years..TOTALLY..from now onwards MUST treasure every moment i have with them..nian..its true..we wont find such fun and joy in poly or jc..ppl tend to go like..wth? so childish? but being childish is fun..whats wrong with that? as long as your thinking is matured..i dont find anything wrong with playing lor..hai..

ytd..nian talked some sense into me..lol..ppl may think that he is not those who will talk sensible things..haha it depends on him actually..i think he choose who he wants to talk to..yes its true he crap alot..but the craps were actually very true..i admit he set my mind thinking..but he thinks more than me man! he really has HELL lot of free time..his mind can just fly off into fairyland..haha..hes really enjoying his secondary school days la..and thats really wonderful..i finally understand why ppl say that sec sch days are the most enjoyable and memorable time in our life..haha very true...

To the special someone,

hi again? lol..like i promised..im always here..even when i got nothing to say..still would turn up to at least let you know that im around =D haha..i just hope that u can wave to me like what you did before the holidays..haha..it was really very nice..but it stopped..or at least just not be so cold? sadly, things have gotten worse than before..

``___mentally weak___;;

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

8:04 PM

hahahhahaha..hoi hin say i very cold today..am i? hmmm..alright la..no flu leh..maybe the weather..lol very lame..waa super sian today..came school so early..had a little 'morning walk' around my class front and back doors..lol..classmates all thought i siao siao..but actually not bad leh..got fresh air..teenagers wake up so early just to go to school..where got time to do morning exercises? so i thought of this way lor..think quite efficient sia...lol..but shity feeling back again..felt like puking in the morning..whats wrong with my organs?stomache flu? LOL?!!

LOL!! so cute!! i got some photos of sheadon from my cousiee..super cute sia..and she scold me for not showing up when sheadon went her house..hais..regret la..but what to do? lol..sometimes really too busy la..sometimes overslept xD hahahahahahhahahaha SORRY!!

html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html html !!! ARRRRHHHHHHH!!

To the special someone,

woah..saw you staying back today..i was really happy..even though its obviously not for me la..but still happy to see you around =)

``___unwell again___;;

Monday, March 27, 2006

6:33 PM

wahh..siannzz..today so crappy sia! i dont know what i doing since morning..took out my notes and started differentiation..wtf!! the first time i actually did revision on my own will this year!! ermm..maybe not own will bahh..just kena possessed i think..hahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahahha!!!

lols..really lost..dont feel well sia..just reached home and feel like pukiing..wth..no appetite to eat anything..what happened to me? shit!

To the special someone,
hmmm..this is the current feeling i got from you..you always avoid me in school..maybe because there're too many ppl around..but luckily we are still close when alone..but today didnt have the chance to be alone..hai..and avoided me like siao too..lol..i dont know la..things may not work out..but like i said..give me a chance to make you happIER =D

``___unwell___;;

Sunday, March 26, 2006

10:44 PM

o.O

woo..finally!! A NEW BLOG!!! totally new blog skin..new blog add..everything is new..except that i repost the last few posts i posted..LOL!! haha an image created by me..a template made by yg..omg..heaven-made partners! haha..finally created an image which somehow..link to my feelings now? maybe bahh..haha..first time using photoshop cs2 in yg house..some new things..new tools..when filtering still got gallery 1 sia..so high tech..can show you how the image will look like after filtering..haha..things are getting easier =D

wahhh..this week very sian..stayed at home..no one wanna go play pool sia, stayed at home and rot..2 weeks never touch cue stick liao..HAHA!! funny..i still super happy that i finally got a magnificient place to say my thoughts xD bwahahahaha!! SHIT!! just remembered!! my charger still in school!! omg omg omg..JUN HAO!!! CHARGER!!!

well well..i need comments on the blog please..visitors please tag and say your comments!!

To the special someone,

the words on the pic..or anywhere in the blog..are meant for you..

``___Awaken___;;

12:05 AM

waa..super tired today..had a good sleep after chatting with her..its the 1st time she come online after my confession..really suprised she actually read this blog..lol..full of nonsense leh!!omg..HAHA!! lol..she didnt know how to navigate using the crosses. she didnt know how to go other pages..so cute......................lol!!

waaaaa super tired!!! type also can sleep!! omg..and still gotta do compo for tml's 1 on 1 conferencing..how to get ideas?where got inspiration? LOL.. *yawn*
sibling rivalry..wah laoooo!! how to write??my bro and i never quarrel 1 leh..relationship so good!! LOL..or just maybe he really has no time to quarrel with me..haha..only weekends come back..then where got time to focus on quarreling?? duh!! HAHAHAHA!! so i'll never get ideas for sibling rivalry!! omg..how to write?!?!?! i dont want to fail again liao..zzz..
muahahahaha? zzz..gonna change my blogskin real soon..stupid sia..my mvs..can only be played under the profile page..i cannot go post with my mvs playing..zz how stupid..so gonna change to 1 with easier navigations...hope it'll be better..

To the special someone,
thanks for visiting..lol..always avoid answering some questions hor..you're always like this..haha..nvm, i dont like to force ppl..but somehow i am forcing..zzz i hate that of me >.<>

``___yawn!!___;;

12:05 AM

i just dont understand why..my mum always cooks nonsense on fridays..especially when its my most vulnerable day..all i hope for is more appealing dishes?this is stupid..no one would understand..we had a deal..i'll go out for dinner every friday..thats a much better idea..

things are currently looking up..finally..and im glad..but i hope its not an illusion this time..i hope its not a result of my insistence..i said that im not confident at all that whether we will stead..and im serious..lol..have to be prepared for rejection..but i hope for a chance given by you =)

lol..gonna change my blog skin soon..damn i just kind find the right skin for me..gonna make 1 myself >=) seeking my friend's help tml..hope would be a nice 1 lor..im making it as simple as possible..simplicity is still the best..

To the special someone
my inner self is losing..you stop showing the character i like..did you finally know what is it?or just that you are not talking to me anymore?lots of questions..not a single answer..i really dont understand what you are thinking..will i be given a chance??will we stead?hai..it totally depends on you..

``___disappoiintedd___;;

12:04 AM

really no mood today..things happening recently made me think that maybe..everything good thats happening to me are just an illusion..its what i insisted, and others got no choice but to agree..it will be better if im not around i guess..at least no one would be forced to do anything they dont like..am i too demanding? am i too insisting? am i just too immature? i have no idea..

im really thinking of other reasons why things are like what they are now..but they're all negative..is there really no positive side of it?i guess soon i'll be avoided by everyone..no one would come to me anymore..a start of a new life? i think its the end of me..

Criticizes of me
im really too immature..too simple minded..too much of a loser in life..haha..things will never get better as long as im around..nuisance i would say..chinese ppl say si1 bai4..lol..sound so nice on me sia..best description ever..

avoid me if it'll make you feel better =)

``___don't comfort me___;;

12:01 AM

once again..BWAHAHAHAHA!!! lol..im mad liao..nian's influence haha..that guy never gets tired of telling ppl about his sun and moon story..but its funny larh..and has 'inner motives' too HAHA!! wahh..dont know why..very cheerful today..i really seemed alright in school..honestly..i dont really know how to show myself ~~hurt~~ to my friends..the way they treat me..i really cant ignore them or show them attitude..i have lots of damn caring friends, and i really appreciate them =)

today during geog lesson, time passed so fast! mdm chang wasted so much time on scolding us and collecting holiday assignment..awww!! only 1 handed up?hais..really felt bad. she was so disappointed..i see liao also sian..yes yes, i also never do..but regret lar..shes a good teacher =)
lol..i was thinking about this during geog lesson..why do countries want to develop?cant we stay rural throughout?lol..countries develop..and when they reach the highest stage of development, they are considered developed countries..but soon, new things would be invented..then they start developing again..isnt that boring? and most importantly, developing requires high amount of resources..and creates problems on earth too..SO WHATS THE POINT??!!?!?!?

To special someone,
hmmm..im really thankful to her today..at least never reject me? haha..not sure lar..maybe is i force de..hais..but maybe you tried to avoid me after school..i have no idea what you are actually thinking larh..you denied..but i doubt it..yes yes..im not as confident as i used to be..but much tougher than usual..alright lar..like i said..forget what i said last week..i know its too fast..if you allow me, lets start from scratch again =)

``___so sleepy -___-'' ___;;

12:01 AM

what is wrong with me?im starting to feel that its the end for everything..theres nothing that i've succeed in doing..nothing that i've achieved..i just find myself really useless..is this what i really am?just someone who cant do anything at all?i just hope for a miracle somewhere during this period of my life..things are getting worse..its getting out of my control..i did all that i could..but i know its not enough..

i started this blog to let me say out my feelings..but everytime when i look at my blog, i have a strange feeling in me..the music will literally make me stare at 1 place and think, or dream for some ppl..haha..maybe i should change to a much more cheerful blog eh?

``___hoping for a MIRACLE___;;

12:01 AM

LOL what the heck..what have i done?stupid stupid stupid decision..haisssss..things are getting worse huh?i really think so..HAHAHAHAHAHA~!! =.=
why is it that girls like to make sacrifices so much?they are always willing to give up for others..thats 1 BIG difference from guys..guys will never give up without a fight(usually).at least i dont always give up without 1..bah bah..talking crap liao..hur hur..
SUDDENLY!! i got nothing to say..LOL!! i stop here for 15mins liao..OMG i stopped even longer..cause nian sent me a conversation he had with sujun..he crap alot alot alot sia..make me read so long also..wah lao..now get back to this..what to write?!funny funny..maybe i shouldnt even have created this blog..LOL..i thought a blog is to say out your feelings?i dont even know how i feeling now!!aiya..who cares..nian crap alot nowadays..dont know what the heck is wrong with him..in school quiet quiet..like half dead..msn can crap till morning..even when you never reply..LOL..but its a good way to express oneself bah..he has the essential thing i dont have..i need to find out a way to express out my feelings before i go mad..wah lao..kena influenced liao? maybe nian is right..he really is a influential speaker..something like that..lol..but he influenced me in another way..haha secret secret =D

okay..now back to the serious part....................................................

i've been thinking for some time..im such an unstable guy..my character changes like the rate of snow in my blog..so unpredictable..some may think that unpredictable = adventurous? fun? excitment? it is deadly to me..hais..but thats me..its already a part of me..no matter how many times or how much i change, this will still remain..yes yes..ppl say changes are crucial in lives..what about abundant amount of changes?will it still be beneficial to life?i really doubt so..its true that i can recover from feelings quickly..that may be 1 advantage..but in the end there is still more disadvantages..it changes so quickly till i cant even catch up..

To the special someone,
hmmm..yeah..im always so reckless..always doing things without thinking..hmmm..i should not have said those things during the holidays yeah?weird as it may sound..but its true..yes yes..you rejected me as if it was so easily done..i guess i asked for it eh?but is it what you really want?only you will know..maybe its too early to ask..give me time..you may already have someone in mind..and i may not stand any chance at all..
but trust me..i will always be there for you =) its a promise..

It's not who i am underneath..But what i do that defines me..

12:00 AM

it has been some time since i last posted..alot of problems with my blog. also had a stupid ncc camp in the past few days..never so tired before..i can just fall asleep without knowing..legs are totally strenghtless..but at least learnt some things out of it..thanks to my good friend =D

i think i've finally found her..the girl with the character i hope to find..it was difficult to search for as too much of it will be irritating..and if its shown to other guys, it will be flirting..i dont think she has too much of it or show it to others..hmmm..ppl may not know what the hell im talking about..but thats too bad =)

stupid sia..stayed back in school after ncc camp until quite late, yet forgotten about my hp charger..left it in the commerce room..how how how?is it the end for both of us?(my charger and me)hais..my bro took his charger for ns too..which means..my phone has no charger!! have to survive until saturday.........ARGH!!

o.O my mum is threatening me againn..saying that if i ~~study~~ i wont get just b3 for my science..yes i agree that i dont study at all..but will it make a difference if i do?hahahaha..who cares? i know what to do..just need some motivation between this process..lol..stupid stupid me..

``___LEFT ALONE___;;

Saturday, March 25, 2006

11:59 PM

o.O finally started blogging..my few blogs back then were screwed..must really thank swee lin for helping me with this blog..i didnt really do anything, all he teach 1..i just listen and did as told..haha very nice guy.. havent ask for reward YET..maybe will bahh..SWEE LIN, DREAM ON! =D

holidays started liao..time to catch up with a term's of school work..havent been listening in class..but luckily managed to pass..must really study this week..amaths especially..first week of school still got test! must top the class liao..no more 0/25 xD

hahaha!! watching tv..ppl catching cockroach..lame sia! the girl..pull their feelers then let go again..got so scary meh? baby cockroach nia mah..but actually i also very scared la..haha..